The past couple of months have proved busy, and yet it's been quite a journey. I'm sorry it's been two months since my last post, but here I am, once again ready to offer my God-given insights to anyone who will listen.
February, a month of love. Or is it? We celebrate this day, Valentine's day as an opportunity to shower the ones we love with gifts, cards, chocolate. But my question would be- do we need an excuse? I'd say that for some, yes. Love is about as common as the cold these days. I love pizza, I loved that movie, Oh my gosh, I love that guy... It's about as misused and overused as LOL... but don't even get me started on that- haha.
What is love? I think love is grisly, and ugly and painful. Love is about sacrifice, surrender, suffering-- but we don't like to think about that, we like to think about the rainbows and the puppies and kittens and chocolate that comes with love. Not that pain, not the hurt, not the cost. And I'm not just talking about the gifts, or the dates, or the movies and dinner- that's not really love. An expression of it, maybe- but that's not love. Love is letting your daughter who has pink eye and is sick sleep in your house and touch things even at the risk of catching these unwanted diseases. Love is feeling the pain that others are going through and knowing that there's nothing you can do but pray to God it will come to an end. At the risk of sounding super cheesy and cliche'- love is a verb. Love is not just something you say, though by all means, say it... make sure the people in your life hear it, but even more so, make sure you live it.
I was challenged several weeks ago by my mother- I told her I loved her and then prompted what has become the correct response- "I love you too". But she said, I don't want to say it, just to say it, I want to mean it. And there's a lot of truth in that. We say a lot of things we don't mean, as common courtesy.
"How are you?" "Fine, how are you?" Now there's a meaningful conversation if I've ever heard one. And yet, I take part in that same, or similar conversation about everyday, if not several times a day. What would happen if I was honest- "You know, I've been better- it's been a rough day, I'm going through a lot". Most people would probably be dumbfounded at that response, or worse, they wouldn't care. And that, I think, is what we are afraid of.
Now don't get me wrong- I know my mother loves me. Because she has shown me that love on countless occasions, and in this moment of infinite motherly wisdom, she managed to show me how much she loves me by not wanting to just spew lip service in my direction for formality's sake.
"I'm so proud of you" "You've overcome so much" "I'm so glad you're a part of my life" "You're too good to me" "I really enjoyed hanging out with you" "How's your mother doing" "How's God been working in your life" "Let's hangout this week" "Tell me a little bit about yourself"
In other words- I love you.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
is it the end or only just the beginning
Happy New Years Eve!
December 31st, 2010 at 8:00 in the evening. In only four short hours, 2010 will cease to exist as we know it. 2011 lay before us, and in this moment I find myself taking some time and looking back on 2010 and all the adventures, tears, joy, sadness, pain, and excitement that it brought with it.
My year started in Indianapolis, Indiana working as a "quote specialist". February brought the promise of something new in the form of California. At the very end of February leading into March I found myself on a plane to San Francisco ready to embark on a journey that I didn't know what exactly I'd gotten myself into. April continued my adventure in Cali, and also brought me back to the normalcy I've always known in Indiana. May took me to the unknown world of New Orleans, Louisiana, and in June and much of July I was in none other than "Lame Deer, Montana". Those few weeks brought with them pain and overwhelming joy. August brought me on a new adventure with a little more stability to a small beach town in Michigan. And here I am, on December 31st sitting in the living room, next to an unlit fireplace in that same little beach town.
This year has brought new light to improperly healed wounds, new memories, and great friends in cities and towns all over the continental United States. And as I look back I see the girl I was, and the one that I am in process of becoming. Tomorrow begins a new year, a fresh start in some respects, and the possibility of so much adventure and excitement. It's the time of year where people look at their life, and wish for a clean slate by making "new year's resolutions" that allow them the opportunity to change eating habits, their spiritual life, or other bad habits that the previous year has permitted. But the truth is, as depressing as this might sound, no matter what you commit to in this new year, some of the damage has already been done. Hurtful words said to a co-worker in anger, a bad mood that permeated existing relationships, a cloud of pain and depression that caused you to ostracize those around you... The effects of our actions are not removed with the changing of the date.
And that's also true about the effects of sin. Praise God that we have a loving and forgiving savior who allows us the opportunity to be forgiven of our sins, he wipes it, removes it, casts it as far as the east is from the west, indefinitely, but the effects of our sin remain. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." Actions have consequences- and although we are offered forgiveness, it doesn't remove the words that left our lips, or the scowls that left our eyes. We have to accept responsibility for what we've done, who we've hurt, and who we've become. Don't get me wrong, the year 2011 brings with it much possibility, and I'm not against new year's resolutions per se, but why wait for the change of date to change those things that we see in ourselves that need to be changed? Each day is a new day, and with it the opportunity to be a better person, the new creation that we are called to be.
December 31st, 2010 at 8:00 in the evening. In only four short hours, 2010 will cease to exist as we know it. 2011 lay before us, and in this moment I find myself taking some time and looking back on 2010 and all the adventures, tears, joy, sadness, pain, and excitement that it brought with it.
My year started in Indianapolis, Indiana working as a "quote specialist". February brought the promise of something new in the form of California. At the very end of February leading into March I found myself on a plane to San Francisco ready to embark on a journey that I didn't know what exactly I'd gotten myself into. April continued my adventure in Cali, and also brought me back to the normalcy I've always known in Indiana. May took me to the unknown world of New Orleans, Louisiana, and in June and much of July I was in none other than "Lame Deer, Montana". Those few weeks brought with them pain and overwhelming joy. August brought me on a new adventure with a little more stability to a small beach town in Michigan. And here I am, on December 31st sitting in the living room, next to an unlit fireplace in that same little beach town.
This year has brought new light to improperly healed wounds, new memories, and great friends in cities and towns all over the continental United States. And as I look back I see the girl I was, and the one that I am in process of becoming. Tomorrow begins a new year, a fresh start in some respects, and the possibility of so much adventure and excitement. It's the time of year where people look at their life, and wish for a clean slate by making "new year's resolutions" that allow them the opportunity to change eating habits, their spiritual life, or other bad habits that the previous year has permitted. But the truth is, as depressing as this might sound, no matter what you commit to in this new year, some of the damage has already been done. Hurtful words said to a co-worker in anger, a bad mood that permeated existing relationships, a cloud of pain and depression that caused you to ostracize those around you... The effects of our actions are not removed with the changing of the date.
And that's also true about the effects of sin. Praise God that we have a loving and forgiving savior who allows us the opportunity to be forgiven of our sins, he wipes it, removes it, casts it as far as the east is from the west, indefinitely, but the effects of our sin remain. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." Actions have consequences- and although we are offered forgiveness, it doesn't remove the words that left our lips, or the scowls that left our eyes. We have to accept responsibility for what we've done, who we've hurt, and who we've become. Don't get me wrong, the year 2011 brings with it much possibility, and I'm not against new year's resolutions per se, but why wait for the change of date to change those things that we see in ourselves that need to be changed? Each day is a new day, and with it the opportunity to be a better person, the new creation that we are called to be.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
thunder
This morning I found myself in an interesting position. I have the freedom to work from home, which is an amazing blessing. It provides me those unique moments where I need to step away from the world for a few moments and really gain perspective about what I'm doing, what needs to be done, and it offers me the quiet that is sometimes necessary to really think about things. So when I typed this, the only things I heard were the "click, click, clicks" of the keyboard as I type, and the hum of the heater that is also located downstairs in the basement with me.
I began my morning by watching two videos by Louie Giglio talking about how very big our God is, and how so very small I really am. It's a good perspective to gain. It's so easy... especially for me, being an only child to forget that the world definitely does not revolve around me. The fact of the matter is, I'm not even a dimple on the golf ball of earth, and yet, somehow this offers me a sense of peace and serenity, the likes of which I've not really experienced before. I like knowing, or not knowing rather, that God is so big that the earth is nothing more than a dust speck suspended in a beam of sunlight, and yet he's also so big that he holds me (and all of creation) in the palm of his hand.
Confession time: sometimes when I'm feeling really sad, or the darkness of my pain has enveloped me so much that I've lost perspective of things, I like to picture myself crawling up into God's lap and just laying there in his presence. Neither one of us says much, but I'm there, and inevitably I know that everything will be okay. Well, this morning, while watching these videos about how very expansive God is, I got a new picture. One, that in some ways offered me a greater sense of comfort. God was so very big, that in this picture, I'm still laying in his lap, but I barely reach across his thigh, and as I look over, I see hundreds of thousands of other people laying in his lap, and in his presence as well. It was a nice reminder, that I'm not the only one who needs God, and I'm surely not the only one who enjoys and needs to find myself in his presence on a regular basis.
So, what does this have to do with thunder??? Well... this week, I'm preparing a lesson about Christmas, believe it or not. And we're using these "YouthWalk" journals and the first lesson in this "Christmas devotional" is called Thunder: The God Whose Majesty Makes our Knees Bend in Worship. And as I'm reading through day one I come across this scripture-
"On the third day at daybreak, there were loud claps of thunder, flashes of lightning, a thick cloud covering the mountain, and an ear-piercing trumpet blast. Everyone in the camp shuddered in fear. Moses led the people out of the camp to meet God. They stood at attention at the base of the mountain. Mount Sinai was all smoke because God had come down on it as fire. Smoke poured from it like smoke from a furnace. The whole mountain shuddered in huge spasms. The trumpet blasts grew louder and louder. Moses spoke and God answered in thunder." PS- this is from The Message, so it might look a little different in your Bible. But still...
Now, there were a couple of thoughts that came to my mind when I read this. The very first thought took me to a dear friend of mine. She is terrified of thunderstorms. They cause a level of anxiety in her that just really stresses her out, causes her to not sleep very well, and in general it's just a very difficult experience for her. But when I read these verses, I hear hope. "Moses spoke, and God answered in thunder." That's how God answered Moses... was with THUNDER!! Now, thunderstorms don't necessarily scare me, but I will admit, that at times, especially when the lightning is close, and the thunder rips off a huge BOOM, I jump, I'm startled, it might catch me off guard. But then I think, isn't that how the voice of God should be? The creator of the world, and me, has something to say, and sometimes, he needs to get my attention, and break out his "big voice".
This brings me to my second thought- When God was dealing with Elijah in 1 Kings, there were a lot of things happening, fire, wind, earthquakes, but God wasn't in any of those things. Unlike in Exodus, when he was causing all of those things, and he spoke in THUNDER. But you know, to me, it's not contradictory. It speaks to the character of my God. Elijah was at a really difficult place in his life. He was depressed, asking God to just kill him off and be done with it, and I'm not sure Thunder would have been the best way to communicate to him. But in Exodus, and with Moses, God is pumped! This is right after God has delivered his people from the Egyptians, and Israel's getting kind of whiny and losing sight of what exactly has happened here. And so God is using some drastic measures to get their attention. HELLO!!!! I'M GOD!!!! I JUST SAVED YOU FROM EGYPT, AND SLAVERY!!!! GIVE ME SOME CREDIT HERE, I'M NOT JUST GOING TO LEAVE YOU TO DIE IN THE DESERT AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH!!!!
So that's him... sometimes he uses the crazy circumstances of life, the winds, and fires, and earthquakes to say, or more appropriately whisper... "I'm still here, I never left, sometimes things get a little crazy, and a little hairy, but I need you to trust that I'm still in control, and I'm not going to leave you." But then, sometimes, he throws a party, complete with strobe lights, and he shouts, because he needs to get our attention. So, maybe the next time you find yourself in a thunderstorm, whether you're typically scared of them or not, you might find yourself sitting up a little straighter, maybe mute the TV, or put down the book, and find out why God's trying to get your attention and what exactly God's trying to say to you.
I began my morning by watching two videos by Louie Giglio talking about how very big our God is, and how so very small I really am. It's a good perspective to gain. It's so easy... especially for me, being an only child to forget that the world definitely does not revolve around me. The fact of the matter is, I'm not even a dimple on the golf ball of earth, and yet, somehow this offers me a sense of peace and serenity, the likes of which I've not really experienced before. I like knowing, or not knowing rather, that God is so big that the earth is nothing more than a dust speck suspended in a beam of sunlight, and yet he's also so big that he holds me (and all of creation) in the palm of his hand.
Confession time: sometimes when I'm feeling really sad, or the darkness of my pain has enveloped me so much that I've lost perspective of things, I like to picture myself crawling up into God's lap and just laying there in his presence. Neither one of us says much, but I'm there, and inevitably I know that everything will be okay. Well, this morning, while watching these videos about how very expansive God is, I got a new picture. One, that in some ways offered me a greater sense of comfort. God was so very big, that in this picture, I'm still laying in his lap, but I barely reach across his thigh, and as I look over, I see hundreds of thousands of other people laying in his lap, and in his presence as well. It was a nice reminder, that I'm not the only one who needs God, and I'm surely not the only one who enjoys and needs to find myself in his presence on a regular basis.
So, what does this have to do with thunder??? Well... this week, I'm preparing a lesson about Christmas, believe it or not. And we're using these "YouthWalk" journals and the first lesson in this "Christmas devotional" is called Thunder: The God Whose Majesty Makes our Knees Bend in Worship. And as I'm reading through day one I come across this scripture-
"On the third day at daybreak, there were loud claps of thunder, flashes of lightning, a thick cloud covering the mountain, and an ear-piercing trumpet blast. Everyone in the camp shuddered in fear. Moses led the people out of the camp to meet God. They stood at attention at the base of the mountain. Mount Sinai was all smoke because God had come down on it as fire. Smoke poured from it like smoke from a furnace. The whole mountain shuddered in huge spasms. The trumpet blasts grew louder and louder. Moses spoke and God answered in thunder." PS- this is from The Message, so it might look a little different in your Bible. But still...
Now, there were a couple of thoughts that came to my mind when I read this. The very first thought took me to a dear friend of mine. She is terrified of thunderstorms. They cause a level of anxiety in her that just really stresses her out, causes her to not sleep very well, and in general it's just a very difficult experience for her. But when I read these verses, I hear hope. "Moses spoke, and God answered in thunder." That's how God answered Moses... was with THUNDER!! Now, thunderstorms don't necessarily scare me, but I will admit, that at times, especially when the lightning is close, and the thunder rips off a huge BOOM, I jump, I'm startled, it might catch me off guard. But then I think, isn't that how the voice of God should be? The creator of the world, and me, has something to say, and sometimes, he needs to get my attention, and break out his "big voice".
This brings me to my second thought- When God was dealing with Elijah in 1 Kings, there were a lot of things happening, fire, wind, earthquakes, but God wasn't in any of those things. Unlike in Exodus, when he was causing all of those things, and he spoke in THUNDER. But you know, to me, it's not contradictory. It speaks to the character of my God. Elijah was at a really difficult place in his life. He was depressed, asking God to just kill him off and be done with it, and I'm not sure Thunder would have been the best way to communicate to him. But in Exodus, and with Moses, God is pumped! This is right after God has delivered his people from the Egyptians, and Israel's getting kind of whiny and losing sight of what exactly has happened here. And so God is using some drastic measures to get their attention. HELLO!!!! I'M GOD!!!! I JUST SAVED YOU FROM EGYPT, AND SLAVERY!!!! GIVE ME SOME CREDIT HERE, I'M NOT JUST GOING TO LEAVE YOU TO DIE IN THE DESERT AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH!!!!
So that's him... sometimes he uses the crazy circumstances of life, the winds, and fires, and earthquakes to say, or more appropriately whisper... "I'm still here, I never left, sometimes things get a little crazy, and a little hairy, but I need you to trust that I'm still in control, and I'm not going to leave you." But then, sometimes, he throws a party, complete with strobe lights, and he shouts, because he needs to get our attention. So, maybe the next time you find yourself in a thunderstorm, whether you're typically scared of them or not, you might find yourself sitting up a little straighter, maybe mute the TV, or put down the book, and find out why God's trying to get your attention and what exactly God's trying to say to you.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
beach glass
It's been awhile since my last blog, and I apologize for that. It's been a bit of a bumpy few weeks, but I will say that I've been learning a lot about myself. I've learned quite a bit about hurts and pains that I didn't realize I had until circumstances, harmless ones at that, came up and made me face some demons that I didn't even know existed. But Chris is extremely understanding and patient with me, and as time has gone on he's beginning to understand who I am, where I've come from and how I got to be where I am today.
Friday was my day off and after spending the night before up until all hours of the night talking, laughing, movie watching, ice cream eating, and Settlers of Catan playing I decided to get up super early and go to the beach for some time with God and to go hunting for some beach glass. I made it to the beach at about 7:30 and departed down the beach on my quest. It was amazingly beautiful. I got to see the moon set over the water of the lake and it was such a cool experience. The sun was beginning to rise behind me, but I was caught in the moment of looking at the moon disappearing to wherever the moon goes when it's time for the sun to shine. As I slowly made my way down the beach searching for beach glass I noticed a set of footprints, and realized that my journey on this beach would probably be in vain considering the fact that these footprints probably carried someone who was a veteran beach glass collector. And I was correct. I walked down the beach for awhile and after about an hour found my way back to my point of origin. It was still really good, quality time on the beach with God, so I wasn't willing to call the morning a failure, but I was considering heading home and disassembling my morning quest for beach glass. But just before I pack up to head home I see some guy running towards me waving. I can only assume this to be Chris, as the "night before" I mentioned earlier was spent with Chris, his wife Candi, and my partner intern, Alecia. And toward the end of our evening adventures I expressed an interest in going beach glass hunting, so we just happened to stumble across one another on this crisp, early, autumn morning.
Chris advised me to walk the opposite direction from where I'd come and offered some pointers on where to go, and what to look for on my search. He almost lost me when the words "two miles" came out of his mouth, but then I decided, what the heck, got nothing better to do today anyway, and figured I could end the morning whenever I wanted to anyway. So off I go, in a different direction, on the same mission: beach glass. And when I found my first piece of beach glass I can't even begin to tell you how excited it made me. Then after that, it was one piece after another, and another, and another. About three hours, and a little more than two miles later I returned back to my starting place with a pocket full of beach glass. But about half way through my endeavor God offered me a revelation, a new perspective regarding Him, His word, and my newfound love of beach glass.
The thing to understand about beach glass hunting is that it takes time, patience, and in some cases a little work, and maybe even getting a little wet. =) In some cases, I did just happen to stumble across a piece of beach glass, but in most cases it involved a lot of squinting, digging, and picking up things that well, just weren't beach glass. Then I began to think about my experiences with reading the Bible, and how similar it really is to searching for beach glass. We all go into reading the Bible with some expectation, some hope that God is going to show us something either about himself, us, or even our relationship together. And sometimes it can feel like we walk away empty-handed. Like we just don't really understand what that certain passage is talking about, or really unsure about how it might apply to our lives today (can I get a Leviticus amen?) Other times we just open our Bibles, and we stumble across something that really grabs us. Or maybe there are times where we just dig a little deeper and then we find it, that nugget of truth or big piece that we just needed at the right time. But one of the coolest ways is when we read something, maybe it's something we've read before, or maybe it's something brand new, and we don't get it right away, but we eventually just have an amazing "ah-ha" moment, where God reveals something beautiful and amazing to us, that we didn't see before. There were several moments in my beach glass excavating where I would be looking in a patch of rocks for some beach glass, and nothing, but then a wave would lap up, slap me in the leg, and then pull back some sand and rocks to reveal something beautiful, that I didn't see when I first looked. One of the best pieces of advice that Chris gave me about searching for beach glass was that I need to look in the same places I looked when walking down the beach, because coming at it from a different angle or perspective could allow me to find things I missed the first time around. And isn't that so true with God's word? Life, circumstances, things happen, and all of a sudden, words that we've read dozens, hundreds of times even are revealed in new light based on the perspective we come from? God's word is dynamic and ever moving, but it never changes- though sometimes we do. And that can make all the difference.
I'll be honest with you, reading the Bible doesn't always come easy to me, and it's not always something I find myself wanting to do. But when I do, I'm always amazed and astounded at the things God shows me and teaches me a long the way. But I have to stay active, and looking. That's what I have to constantly remind myself of. God will show up, but I have to as well. And when I show up, and am expectant that God is going to be God and do some awesome and amazing things, I'm never disappointed. But when I show up and allow life's disappointments to jade me and my experiences with God, I'm blinded and I don't always see how He works or where He is. I now have a beautiful, unique collection of beach glass that helps to remind me that I've gotta keep looking, I've gotta take the time, look around, maybe even dig a little, and God will show me something beautiful and unique, just for me. And that's another thing. My friend Chris, has an enormous, beautiful collection of beach glass- but it's not the same as mine. The individual pieces are different, some are small, some are big, some are different colors, but his collection and mine aren't the same. And if I would have gone to the beach that day and expected to find all the same pieces I would have been sorely disappointed. I mean for one, Chris has been doing this a lot longer that I have, so he's got a lot more to show for it- just like our walks with God. Some of us have been doing it longer than others. We've been different places, have different experiences and perspectives that bring us to different places with God. And each piece, is unique, and different. Just like us. And I can't imagine God would have had it any other way.
Friday was my day off and after spending the night before up until all hours of the night talking, laughing, movie watching, ice cream eating, and Settlers of Catan playing I decided to get up super early and go to the beach for some time with God and to go hunting for some beach glass. I made it to the beach at about 7:30 and departed down the beach on my quest. It was amazingly beautiful. I got to see the moon set over the water of the lake and it was such a cool experience. The sun was beginning to rise behind me, but I was caught in the moment of looking at the moon disappearing to wherever the moon goes when it's time for the sun to shine. As I slowly made my way down the beach searching for beach glass I noticed a set of footprints, and realized that my journey on this beach would probably be in vain considering the fact that these footprints probably carried someone who was a veteran beach glass collector. And I was correct. I walked down the beach for awhile and after about an hour found my way back to my point of origin. It was still really good, quality time on the beach with God, so I wasn't willing to call the morning a failure, but I was considering heading home and disassembling my morning quest for beach glass. But just before I pack up to head home I see some guy running towards me waving. I can only assume this to be Chris, as the "night before" I mentioned earlier was spent with Chris, his wife Candi, and my partner intern, Alecia. And toward the end of our evening adventures I expressed an interest in going beach glass hunting, so we just happened to stumble across one another on this crisp, early, autumn morning.
Chris advised me to walk the opposite direction from where I'd come and offered some pointers on where to go, and what to look for on my search. He almost lost me when the words "two miles" came out of his mouth, but then I decided, what the heck, got nothing better to do today anyway, and figured I could end the morning whenever I wanted to anyway. So off I go, in a different direction, on the same mission: beach glass. And when I found my first piece of beach glass I can't even begin to tell you how excited it made me. Then after that, it was one piece after another, and another, and another. About three hours, and a little more than two miles later I returned back to my starting place with a pocket full of beach glass. But about half way through my endeavor God offered me a revelation, a new perspective regarding Him, His word, and my newfound love of beach glass.
The thing to understand about beach glass hunting is that it takes time, patience, and in some cases a little work, and maybe even getting a little wet. =) In some cases, I did just happen to stumble across a piece of beach glass, but in most cases it involved a lot of squinting, digging, and picking up things that well, just weren't beach glass. Then I began to think about my experiences with reading the Bible, and how similar it really is to searching for beach glass. We all go into reading the Bible with some expectation, some hope that God is going to show us something either about himself, us, or even our relationship together. And sometimes it can feel like we walk away empty-handed. Like we just don't really understand what that certain passage is talking about, or really unsure about how it might apply to our lives today (can I get a Leviticus amen?) Other times we just open our Bibles, and we stumble across something that really grabs us. Or maybe there are times where we just dig a little deeper and then we find it, that nugget of truth or big piece that we just needed at the right time. But one of the coolest ways is when we read something, maybe it's something we've read before, or maybe it's something brand new, and we don't get it right away, but we eventually just have an amazing "ah-ha" moment, where God reveals something beautiful and amazing to us, that we didn't see before. There were several moments in my beach glass excavating where I would be looking in a patch of rocks for some beach glass, and nothing, but then a wave would lap up, slap me in the leg, and then pull back some sand and rocks to reveal something beautiful, that I didn't see when I first looked. One of the best pieces of advice that Chris gave me about searching for beach glass was that I need to look in the same places I looked when walking down the beach, because coming at it from a different angle or perspective could allow me to find things I missed the first time around. And isn't that so true with God's word? Life, circumstances, things happen, and all of a sudden, words that we've read dozens, hundreds of times even are revealed in new light based on the perspective we come from? God's word is dynamic and ever moving, but it never changes- though sometimes we do. And that can make all the difference.
I'll be honest with you, reading the Bible doesn't always come easy to me, and it's not always something I find myself wanting to do. But when I do, I'm always amazed and astounded at the things God shows me and teaches me a long the way. But I have to stay active, and looking. That's what I have to constantly remind myself of. God will show up, but I have to as well. And when I show up, and am expectant that God is going to be God and do some awesome and amazing things, I'm never disappointed. But when I show up and allow life's disappointments to jade me and my experiences with God, I'm blinded and I don't always see how He works or where He is. I now have a beautiful, unique collection of beach glass that helps to remind me that I've gotta keep looking, I've gotta take the time, look around, maybe even dig a little, and God will show me something beautiful and unique, just for me. And that's another thing. My friend Chris, has an enormous, beautiful collection of beach glass- but it's not the same as mine. The individual pieces are different, some are small, some are big, some are different colors, but his collection and mine aren't the same. And if I would have gone to the beach that day and expected to find all the same pieces I would have been sorely disappointed. I mean for one, Chris has been doing this a lot longer that I have, so he's got a lot more to show for it- just like our walks with God. Some of us have been doing it longer than others. We've been different places, have different experiences and perspectives that bring us to different places with God. And each piece, is unique, and different. Just like us. And I can't imagine God would have had it any other way.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Life's a Beach
This week I've really been experiencing God in some fresh new ways. Last Sunday we had our boot camp leadership training and towards the end of our day we took about 45 minutes, went off somewhere and spent some time with God. I chose a spot by the lake, under a tree. I began this time with a quiet prayer asking God to reveal himself to me in a new way. The words no longer left my heart and my lips, then a wave lapped up onto the shore. Now the logic side of my brain says that there is a "logical explanation" for this encounter, but I calmly told that part of my brain to "shut up" and began to really take in and pour over this God-revelation. As I pondered what happened, I began to think of God as water, and all the attributes of water that correlate to the character of God. After all, Jesus refers to himself as the "Living Water" and Jesus is God, so it doesn't feel like a giant leap.
Yesterday I decided to take some time away and I went to this little beach and just sat on a large piece of driftwood and took in the sights around me. It was a blistery day- wind going crazy and the lake was restless- the waves on the lake were absolutely ridiculous. As I'm watching the lake and the dancing of the waves, I catch a glimpse of several people. There is a small family- just three of them: a husband, wife, and their little son who couldn't have been much older than 2. Dad's sitting on the beach taking everything in- while mom and toddler ease their way towards the boisterous lake. Mom's holding little one's hand and they stop a few feet before the water's edge on visibly wet sand, left that way from a recent wave. Within a few seconds the waves have lapped back towards them and they are now standing in ankle deep water. The little one let's go of moms' hand and runs to the safety of dad's arms.
In the background, behind mom I catch an interesting sight: there are two men standing in waist deep water being beat by the vicious waves. During the course of a few minutes, I saw them running and jumping and playing in the water and in the midst of the frivolities they are being toppled over by the crashing waves. One of them was even washed up on shore by these waves- but he just got right back up and jumped back into the restless water- head first.
Life's a beach- and the water is God and His love. You have a few different kind of people. The beach sitters- they take part in life, maybe they even see God and His love at work, but that's where it stops. They never jump in and take advantage of what God has to offer them. You also have the people who sneak up to where the water is and stand there waiting for it to reach them. Then once it does, you've got the "toddler" who runs away immediately, not allowing themselves to truly understand or experience it. Or- you've got the "mom" who stand up there, ankle deep, not really experiencing the fullness and depth of God's love. Then you've got those intense, crazy people who dive in head first and allow God's love to envelope them. But there's one more kind of person- the one who never even makes it to the beach. The don't truly know God or see the power of His love. So what's your role? Where do you see yourself? What relationship do you have to God and to this beach of a life? I'd love to say that day I ran in- clothes on into the water and allowed God to cover me in the fullness of His love. I would love to tell you that I wrote this after being drenched in freezing cold refreshing water that would only continue to remind me of the "amazingness" of God's love. But I didn't. I sat on the beach, I watched, enjoyed the pleasure of watching the world and these people pass me by.
So I got to thinking- how many times do I do that? Allow life and God to just happen around me, not being a viable participant in my own life? Today during our morning worship service the pastor ironically, talked about worship. And how we need to be engaged in worship. How it's about more that just singing songs, hearing a sermon and walking out the door unchanged. Worship is my opportunity to respond to God and this life He's given me. But how many times do I allow a worship service to go on without me. Sure, I'm there, I'm present, physically- but am I always fully engaged?
Yesterday I decided to take some time away and I went to this little beach and just sat on a large piece of driftwood and took in the sights around me. It was a blistery day- wind going crazy and the lake was restless- the waves on the lake were absolutely ridiculous. As I'm watching the lake and the dancing of the waves, I catch a glimpse of several people. There is a small family- just three of them: a husband, wife, and their little son who couldn't have been much older than 2. Dad's sitting on the beach taking everything in- while mom and toddler ease their way towards the boisterous lake. Mom's holding little one's hand and they stop a few feet before the water's edge on visibly wet sand, left that way from a recent wave. Within a few seconds the waves have lapped back towards them and they are now standing in ankle deep water. The little one let's go of moms' hand and runs to the safety of dad's arms.
In the background, behind mom I catch an interesting sight: there are two men standing in waist deep water being beat by the vicious waves. During the course of a few minutes, I saw them running and jumping and playing in the water and in the midst of the frivolities they are being toppled over by the crashing waves. One of them was even washed up on shore by these waves- but he just got right back up and jumped back into the restless water- head first.
Life's a beach- and the water is God and His love. You have a few different kind of people. The beach sitters- they take part in life, maybe they even see God and His love at work, but that's where it stops. They never jump in and take advantage of what God has to offer them. You also have the people who sneak up to where the water is and stand there waiting for it to reach them. Then once it does, you've got the "toddler" who runs away immediately, not allowing themselves to truly understand or experience it. Or- you've got the "mom" who stand up there, ankle deep, not really experiencing the fullness and depth of God's love. Then you've got those intense, crazy people who dive in head first and allow God's love to envelope them. But there's one more kind of person- the one who never even makes it to the beach. The don't truly know God or see the power of His love. So what's your role? Where do you see yourself? What relationship do you have to God and to this beach of a life? I'd love to say that day I ran in- clothes on into the water and allowed God to cover me in the fullness of His love. I would love to tell you that I wrote this after being drenched in freezing cold refreshing water that would only continue to remind me of the "amazingness" of God's love. But I didn't. I sat on the beach, I watched, enjoyed the pleasure of watching the world and these people pass me by.
So I got to thinking- how many times do I do that? Allow life and God to just happen around me, not being a viable participant in my own life? Today during our morning worship service the pastor ironically, talked about worship. And how we need to be engaged in worship. How it's about more that just singing songs, hearing a sermon and walking out the door unchanged. Worship is my opportunity to respond to God and this life He's given me. But how many times do I allow a worship service to go on without me. Sure, I'm there, I'm present, physically- but am I always fully engaged?
Friday, August 27, 2010
sunset
Last night I had what I'll call a "date with God". I had plans for the night, some pretty epic plans with some of the students I've met during my (almost) month here in Michigan, but as the day continued on those plans were cancelled. I was having a meeting with Chris, my "supervisor"/the youth pastor at my new mission, and we got to talking about how my plans had been dissolved, and he asked me if I had seen a sunset on the beach by myself yet. The ironic/God-moment of his question was that the plans that had fallen through included going to the beach and watching the sun set. I hadn't, so he urged me to take my newly free evening and spend that time "alone". Part of a previous discussion the two of us had included our leadership training that we're doing on Sunday called "boot camp". During the afternoon we break off into what has always been referred to as "solo time". I challenged the name of this time, one because I'm just obnoxious like that and two because I always evaluate words and their usage, and if we are encouraging leaders to take this "solo time" to spend quality time with God, then it isn't really solo time, because God is a part of this time. So, when I decided to go view a sunset "alone" last night, we both new that I wasn't really going there to be alone- I was going to meet God for a date where He proceeded to show off some really beautiful artwork to me.
I went to Grand Mere Beach, took a blanket, my ipod, and some headphones and drowned out the world for about an hour. During my drive to the beach I was almost in tears when I thought of how excited I was to be spending some amazing, beautiful, quality time with the lover of my soul. And as I arrived I couldn't help but exude a feeling of being loved. You know, like a girl who's just been asked on her first date, or a guy who finally talked to that girl he's been macking on for forever- the giddiness that just pours from your very existence because you know that you matter to someone else in the world (other than your parents). It was intense and valuable time away from life, and people; I just looked at the sunset, the beach, the stars that started to appear and I knew- I knew that it was all for me. Oh sure, it was for everyone else in the world too, but in that hour I felt like I was the only one who mattered. Like sitting across the table from "that special someone" knowing that he/she isn't looking at anyone else in the room but you.
I discovered this song on the radio about a week ago, and the lyrics to the song were as if they were written specifically for me and these moments spent on the beach reveling in the majesty of God. It's called "Light Up the Sky" by: the Afters, and the lyrics go like this:
When I’m feeling all alone and so far to go
The signs are nowhere on this road guiding me home
When the night is closing in
It’s falling on my skin
Oh God will You come close
Chorus: Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You've opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
When stars are hiding in the clouds
I don’t feel them shining
When I can’t see beyond my doubt
The silver lining
When I've almost reached the end
Like a flood You’re rushing in
Love is rushing in
(Chorus)
So I run straight to Your arms
You’re the bright and morning Sun
To show Your love, there’s nothing You won’t do
(Chorus)
And as if that wasn't enough, on my drive home I got to stare into the beautiful, beaming, full moon. The tears were inevitable at this point. But they weren't tears of sadness, or even joy- more tears of the realization that God does love me, not just in the Sunday school, daddy way- but in a passionate lover way. And that was beyond words.
I went to Grand Mere Beach, took a blanket, my ipod, and some headphones and drowned out the world for about an hour. During my drive to the beach I was almost in tears when I thought of how excited I was to be spending some amazing, beautiful, quality time with the lover of my soul. And as I arrived I couldn't help but exude a feeling of being loved. You know, like a girl who's just been asked on her first date, or a guy who finally talked to that girl he's been macking on for forever- the giddiness that just pours from your very existence because you know that you matter to someone else in the world (other than your parents). It was intense and valuable time away from life, and people; I just looked at the sunset, the beach, the stars that started to appear and I knew- I knew that it was all for me. Oh sure, it was for everyone else in the world too, but in that hour I felt like I was the only one who mattered. Like sitting across the table from "that special someone" knowing that he/she isn't looking at anyone else in the room but you.
I discovered this song on the radio about a week ago, and the lyrics to the song were as if they were written specifically for me and these moments spent on the beach reveling in the majesty of God. It's called "Light Up the Sky" by: the Afters, and the lyrics go like this:
When I’m feeling all alone and so far to go
The signs are nowhere on this road guiding me home
When the night is closing in
It’s falling on my skin
Oh God will You come close
Chorus: Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You've opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
When stars are hiding in the clouds
I don’t feel them shining
When I can’t see beyond my doubt
The silver lining
When I've almost reached the end
Like a flood You’re rushing in
Love is rushing in
(Chorus)
So I run straight to Your arms
You’re the bright and morning Sun
To show Your love, there’s nothing You won’t do
(Chorus)
And as if that wasn't enough, on my drive home I got to stare into the beautiful, beaming, full moon. The tears were inevitable at this point. But they weren't tears of sadness, or even joy- more tears of the realization that God does love me, not just in the Sunday school, daddy way- but in a passionate lover way. And that was beyond words.
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